By Matt Napolitano, Humor Columnist
A sports definition: Dream team (noun): the 1992 gold medalist U.S. Olympic men’s basketball team consisting of legends like Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, and Magic Johnson.
Now, the modern translation: Dream team (noun): a team consisting of overpaid talent that believes they can win not 5, not 6, not 7 championships.
Clearly, the meaning of this term has gone out of the window. Today, calling yourself a dream team is like Charlie Sheen saying he is winning. Doesn’t quite have the same meaning anymore.
Over the past few months, it seems like anybody with more than one athlete with an overstuffed payroll is a dream team by default. It is truly such an insult to a team that consisted of a rotund Charles Barkley beating up on Angola by 68 points. Unfortunately, that didn’t follow the delicious 5-buck box that rocks, that rocks.
But I digress. The dream team phrase has completely gone awry when people without championship rings and without the skills automatically assume destiny.
The latest perpetrator of this crime against sporting vocabulary is the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles had themselves an incredible offseason, no denying that. Along with the additions of Nnamdi Asomugha and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie to the secondary, Philly also sent Donovan McNabb and Kevin Kolb packing to make room for their new starter/former Baha Men front man Michael Vick.
All signs pointed to success, leading to a bold prediction from a superstar from the Eagles. None other than the outstanding, unbelievable, remarkable…backup quarterback Vince Young.
Young stood before the press, or whoever was willing to listen, and called the 2011 Eagles “the dream team”. The backup quarterback of the team making the boldest of statements is like me being a wingman at a bar and calling myself God’s gift to women.
Regardless, many analysts followed suit, saying that this Eagles team was unstoppable and a force to be reckoned with in the NFL.
Some went so far as to declare a Super Bowl champion, when there wasn’t even a coin toss in the preseason.
People jumped on the Philadelphia bandwagon like prepubescent girls and strange old men on Justin Bieber tickets. Jersey sales for Vick and Asomugha skyrocketed. Celebratory cheese steaks were already deep in lard.
Then, the season kicked off, and the Eagles became the greatest joke since the one about the man from Nantucket.
Poor play by Michael Vick, second half breakdowns, and the fact that their defensive coordinator is their former offensive line coach, has brought Philadelphia to a 1-4 record, sitting at the bottom of the NFC East. Granted, there are still eleven games left, but the Eagles are a miserable site.
Their coach, Andy Reid, is treating them like his sons, in that he has zero control over the squad. The high paid players have not been worth the cash sent there way, and THEIR FORMER OFFENSIVE LINE COACH JUAN CASTILLO IS THEIR DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR NOW!
So where is the resolve in this team? Management seems to think everything is fine, and there is no effort to correct the faults of Vick, who is tossing interceptions like Purina into an octagon.
All around, Philadelphia has the roster of a 5-0 team, but is playing like a 1-4 squad. The simple solution is not there, but the fact that the dream team label is still worn in the City of Brotherly Love is a joke.
Dream teams beat up on the lesser and weaker foes. Dream teams are made of athletes who, whatever the pay, step up and deliver. Dream teams actually win something! The Eagles are a nightmare team, a nuisance team, and mainly because THEIR DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR, JUAN CASTILLO, WAS THEIR OLD OFFENSIVE LINE COACH! I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE!