Detroit (2-1) +7.5 at Atlanta (4-0) It’s just a matter of time until Nike caves and actually creates the “Michael Vick Experience” ride. If anyone wants, they can sign my petition to get this thing started. Pick: Atlanta

N.Y. Giants (3-1) +3.5 at Dallas (2-1)Since the Eagles are off this week, I will have to pray for the next best thing: a Dallas loss. Though choosing between Dallas and the Giants is like choosing between replacing your toilet paper with sandpaper or brillo pad. Pick: Giants

Minnesota (2-1) -3.5 at Houston (2-2)Houston finally won back-to-back games for the first time in team history. Congrats. Wow, and it only took them 36 games. Sadly, David Carr got rid his of dream locks, and at the same time, his mystique. I see Houston going 2-14 now. Pick: Minny

Oakland (2-2) +9 at Indianapolis (3-1) Doesn’t anyone else think the Raiders should change their name to the Oakland AARPs? Hmmm, Rich Gannon or Kerry Collins? It won’t matter against Indy. Pick: Colts

Miami (0-4) +13.5 at New England (3-0)If ever there was a team built to stop a team from winning its 19th straight game it’s the 2004 Dolphins. Wait, did I say 2004? Sorry, I meant 1972. This game will be a massacre. Pick: Pats

Tampa Bay (0-4) +3at New Orleans (2-2)There is never really a good reason to bet on a 0-4 team. However, when the team it is playing got shellacked by the Cardinals, you must be able to flex your rules. Besides, this is the start of the Chris Simms era. Who’s not excited for that? Pick: Tampa Bay Cleveland (2-2) +6.5 at Pittsburgh (3-1)My mother would like to comment on this one: “It’s good to see a nice Jewish boy like Ben Roethlisberger playing and even winning in the NFL. I bet his mother is veryproud and brags to all her friends, unlike another mother of some silly journalism student, who could have chosen law or medicine.” Elliott’s Mom’s Pick: Jewish Boys in Pro Sports – and Pittsburgh

Buffalo (0-3) +7 at N.Y. Jets (3-0)Before I jump on this Jets bandwagon, I would like to see them play a halfway decent team. It won’t happen this week as they play the hapless Bills. Pick: Jets

Jacksonville (3-1) -2.5 at San Diego (2-2)Damn that Drew Brees and his winning ways. I want some more Phillip Rivers in my life. Maybe after Jacksonville tears them up my wish will come true. Pick: Jags

Carolina (1-2) +5.5 at Denver (3-1) A week off is just what the ailing Panthers needed. However, they still have too many injuries, and Jake “I don’t even compare to Ken Stabler” Plummer is playing pretty decent ball right now. Pick: Denver Arizona (1-3) +1.5 at San Francisco (0-4) I remember this day in high school when word spread that two girls were fighting in the cafeteria. Naturally, every guy ran there hoping to catch a glimpse of the cat-fight. When I got there I saw that it was actually the two ugliest girls in our school, and just couldn’t look. Does it even matter who is favored in this one? I predict a score of 0-0 and the stadium imploding on itself. Pick: Arizona St. Louis (2-2) +6.5 at Seattle (3-0) Mike Martz finally figured it out. If he runs all-pro Marshal Faulk a little more and stops listening to his guy feelings, then his team will have a chance to win. Will he remember that this week? Probably not. Pick: Seattle

Baltimore (2-2) Off at Washington (1-2)Did anyone else see Ray Lewis get abused on Monday night? I never thought I would be able to say that, but it’s 100 percent true. I would look for him to rebound by murdering Clinton Portis. What? Too Soon? Pick: Ravens Tennessee (1-3) Off at Green Bay (1-3)Since both starting quarterbacks are extremely questionable it’s almost impossible to predict this game. Assuming Billy Volek and Doug Peterson start the game, I have to go with the Titans. Peterson can’t even connect using 1-800-Collect. Yeah, I went there. Pick: Titans.