By Martini Amour
I want you to all close your eyes for a minute and imagine the two best things that life has to offer. Ok, maybe not the best things, but the two things that people enjoy the most. The things that people kill for and strive to obtain every hour of every day. Got it? It’s sex and money.
They are the two most powerful things in life, and in most cases, also the most enjoyable. But what if you could spend the rest of your life getting more of only one of them? In simple terms at the University, would you rather get laid 24 hours a day, seven days a week, or have 247 pairs of Diesels or Prada purses? Either way, you’re greedy and need to hook me up, but what is more important to people, making lots of money or having lots of booty?
According to a study reported by CNN Money on September 24, 2004, “Fully two-thirds of those polled picked treasure over pleasure, according to a poll of 1,001 adults conducted by Blum & Weprin Associates for The Rich Dad Company, an organization that teaches personal finance and business.”
The rest of the nation preferred money over sex, but who cares about those people. They clearly are not college students on Long Island where sex and money are prerequisites to live at this place we like to call home for at least nine months a year. We have the best insight to this proposition, because we aim to have sex as much as humanly possible and are the most broke demographic of adults anywhere. So in this crucial part in our lives, what’s more important?
I asked a wide range of students: young, old, rich, poor, promiscuous and never-have-a-chance-of-getting-laid-in-life-ers. And much to my disappointment, the lack of everyone’s morals cut a solid line right down the middle. I figured the most common response would be, “You can buy sex with money.” I refused to accept that crap of an answer because prostitution is not the answer here. I wanted people to dig deep down into their wallets and into their sex drives to find the meaning of life. Some took the romantic approach.
Twenty-two-year-old Jay said “Money makes life easy, not happy; while sex/intimacy has the potential to make life happy.”
Coming from a notorious bachelorette, I don’t feel the same way, but appreciate the fact that some people are at that mental level, the one above their belts.
“Most people spend their lives trying to make money in order to get the girl/guy and get the sex/relationship. When it comes down to it, money is just green paper and great sex is what dreams are made of. Generally, great sex is better than lots of money, you can’t put a dollar sign on a great [expletive],” Jay said.
By the end of our conversation he was finally blatantly honest, as we can all tell, and I respect his argument. Great sex is well, great sex. I don’t know if it’s what dreams are made of, but hell, it beats sleeping alone right?
“Sex sells right? Then it’s only a matter of time before sex becomes the currency of the future ‘cha-ching-splat,'” 20-year-old Leonard said.
Wow, the wit of that statement really blows my mind. In more ways than one.
For those more logical and responsible people out there, people had your back as well.
Twenty-year-old Lauren justified that more money is better by stating, “Of course everyone wants sex, I mean who wouldn’t? But without money you can’t do anything, like if I don’t have money, I can’t go out and meet someone to have sex with. You can’t survive in this world without money. I’d rather know that I made 200 bucks in a night working, than know that all I did all day was have sex with someone.”
This statement I agree with, because without money, there is no going out to the bar, or to the club. Not to mention that once you finally do meet someone, if you have $19.00 to your name that you can’t even withdraw from the ATM, there won’t be any dates either. It’s better to have money and get screwed than to screw yourself over without any money.
“I have a girlfriend, I’m having plenty of sex, money is more important. I hate being broke in college, getting laid is not a problem,” 21-year-old Sam said.
I think it’s a safe assumption to say that in college, sex is as common as currency.
I knew that good answers would come from a friend of mine who claims that money is the only essential element to life. Not normally a sentimental person, he did make a good point by saying, “Money doesn’t hurt or betray…lovers often do.”
It may be the safe route to claim that more sex would be more beneficial, but in the long run, you can’t cuddle with your checkbook. Funny I should mention cuddling. For those frequent readers of ‘Sex and the Suburbs,’ most will note that last year Martini and sports columnist Elliott Bell had a slight rivalry in the making. After several deliberations, we have decided to not go against, but to support each other. Although he is an Eagles’ fan, he really came in useful this week for those people who have no opinion when it comes to sex and money.
“I wouldn’t want either of those. See with sex, there are too many things to worry about: STD’s, babies, why does she look bored, and so on, that’s just an ego bruiser and money has too many responsibilities: I don’t want a lot of money, it would change me. I would like more cuddling. Cuddling is highly underrated, and more pillow talk. Some of my best conversations in life have come during pillow talk, but that is pillow talk after cuddling, not sex,” Bell said.
The moral of the story is that happiness is the key to life. Whether it comes from sex, money, cuddling or techno music, happiness will dominate every aspect of your life. Personally, I just want an equal amount of both, and lots of it.
On a closing note, I need your help. I have decided to put together a list of the University’s Most Eligible Bachelors and Bachelorettes. Please e-mail me at [email protected], and let me know why you should be included in the list. You only have a week to do this, so don’t be shy and flaunt your stuff right here on the pages of the Chronicle. Also, make sure to read Elliott’s column in this week’s Sports section and let him know Martini sent you.