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We all have different expectations in a relationship. Some need loyalty and others acts of kindness. Some prioritize honesty, no matter how brutal, and others humor. Despite our best efforts to show and receive love, human nature prevents us from truly measuring up, especially in the relationship we have with ourselves. This pandemic has forced us to be in close quarters with those closest to us, and I have found the only quality that has helped me to keep my peace is patience.
I have learned to be patient with those around me, accepting that none of us have much room internally or externally to air out our bad habits. I have had to accept that the roles other people filled in my life are being neglected, because I do not have access to them at this time. I can’t get a hug from a family member in a different state, nor can I share a laugh with a friend. And most of all, I have had to be kind to myself and come to terms with my own strength. There are good habits that were easier to practice when I had the outside world to balance out discipline and fun, but when I’m spending every day at home, it’s far more difficult to not get burnt out.
My environment affects my mood than I’d like to admit. Without a clean, happy space I can escape to, it’s far more difficult for me to escape a bad mood. During this pandemic, one of the more difficult things I’ve had to overcome is simply a bad day. Before, I would cheer myself up with a change of scenery. I could get perspective from a new experience or being in a crowd of people. These moments in life that were not a luxury, but simply parts of the human experience, were all I would need to see the weight of my problem as insignificant. Now more than ever, I have had to overcome these struggles by searching within. This is a skill that I believe everyone needs to master, but under these circumstances, I don’t have a choice: I have to work through my bad moods not only for my own well-being, but also for the well-being of those around me. My melancholy can spread across our entire home and that is not fair to my family. They too are trying to cope with this situation and rely on a clean, happy, environment.
Before the pandemic, when someone would say the wrong thing or fail to give me what I needed, I could give myself space. When I would feel disappointment or uneasiness, I could provide myself room to breathe. Now, that space has been taken away. There are moments in life when hearing “someone else has it worse” is invalidating one’s emotions, but I feel in our current state, it is a declaration of gratitude we all need to cling to.
No matter how toxic your environment is, there are those who face more instability than you or are simply alone. No matter how bored you are with life, there are those who have lost theirs. And no matter how unproductive you feel, there is a global pandemic that has delegitimizedthe things our society deemed important. No matter how grave our circumstances are, we owe it to ourselves to continue to strive for a fruitful day.
What I miss most these days is freedom. I miss the option to run away. Even though that is not always the answer, knowing I could would give me comfort. Right now, we are trapped: not only in our homes, but in a circumstance we can’t will away. No amount of hard work and determination can end what we are facing, but a certain amount of effort can get us through it. We all need many things to feel whole, but patience in every area of life is what will get us there.
Our strength is being tested, but on the bright side, we will get stronger.
